I feel like it is safe to assume that everyone gets lonely now and again. It can be for many different reasons. Maybe you are dealing with a tough loss of a family member or friend, maybe you just had a relationship end, or maybe you are struggling with some personal matters that make you feel like the only person in the world. There is an ad campaign out there specifically geared towards LGBT youth called "It Gets Better"... and I believe the energy behind it is positive. These people are trying to encourage youth not to take their own lives. To tell them that the crushing loneliness or the feelings of sadness will one day get better. As much as I like the message behind this I wonder if its fair though to get their hopes up like that.
You don't have to be an LGBT youth to get the message. It's pretty universal. Wherever you are in your life right now it can only get better, right? I am hesitant to bare my honest opinion here but really... it probably wont. The conditions itself will never get better. The bullies will never go away, the pain from teasing will always leave scars, and society will always have an opinion about your race, creed, religion, social status, or economic background. The problem itself will never get better. However, you're ability to deal with it can get better. I myself run into this problem a lot. I am lonely and i'm sad. To the point where, yes I have been medicated for it. But does it fix anything? Not Really. All the advice, medication, well wishes, and 'Just be happy's' in the world can not take away that empty place inside of you. And nothing will fill it either. Not food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or manic religion. You're ability to ignore it and continue to live each day is totally within your control. You can try to find ways to create maybe not a happy life but happy life moments. Service for others, putting all of your abilities into a school project or work assignment, or participating in a community or school activity to pass the time. With each new happy moment you are creating the ability to formulate a happy pattern of living. This wont fix your problem right away... but in my opinion its a damn good start.
So it may not 'Get Better' but it you can
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
You are Such a Great Friend
Always a bridesmaid never a Bride. That would infer that I was even close to enough girls to have that kind of life. But I’m not. So more realistically the saying for me should be 'Always a Friend never a Girlfriend'. I am respected among males for my honesty, my brute way of helping them confront various girl related problems, and for my appreciation of football. At first glance that sounds kind of cool. Infiltrate the man world and be friends. Set yourself apart from other girls by enjoying what guys like. Well let me tell you... Girls and Guys weren't meant to be friends. Someone always gets hurt, and it's usually me… and some of my best friends are guys.
Now this sounds like a hypocritical statement. Didn't I literally just finish telling you that it is impossible? Well let me break it down for you. Guys and Girls can be friends if one person is always willing to be in pain. And ladies & gents I am a freaking martyr. I have willingly flayed my heart so many times in the name of friendship it’s practically a daily occurrence. To say that it was entirely for friendship is a lie though. Originally it starts out with a guy I’m attracted to. In order to get his attention I swoop in with my charming rhetoric and thought provoking wit and it hooks them, but never in the way I had intended. They find me new and fresh after being emotionally tortured by previous girlfriends. But one small flaw of course… I’m not their physical type. If it’s not my weight it’s my hair, or height, or eye color, or tattoos, or any number of factors. But my personality has made me so unique that they continue to talk to me. This leaves me to wonder every single time if this is the one that is going to be different.
I make men feel comfortable. I’m not intimidating, I can hold a conversational flow without dominating it, and I have a talent for seeing what is really bothering someone. I think this allows guys to relax and confess things they wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with another guy for fear of not looking macho. The side effect of this is that we build deeply personal connections. I provide counseling basically and in return I get graced with the presence of someone I truly enjoy and find appealing. Here is where the beginning of the end comes in to play. These men will eventually bring up ex-girlfriends and ask me for my opinion. As soon as this happens I now realize that this means I am not viewed as a potential mate. I am now, for all intents and purposes, a priest taking confession. I am officially friend zoned.
I am so familiar with this zone now that when I get sent there by a new guy it’s like plunking down into an old lazy boy that has my butt imprint from years of use. Now my pain begins. I get to sit here every day and listen to how much you miss so and so, how you don’t understand what could have happened, and what I think you should do about it. And instead of getting up and walking away I just stay and take it, like individual paper cuts to my psyche. Why? Because I care about them. I genuinely have cared for each and every one of them. Because I had to try… I had to hope that this time was going to be different from all the rest. So while they see me as “the coolest girl I’ve ever met” or “going to make some lucky guy very happy” I am forced to wonder if I’m so great why aren’t they taking me off the market.
I’m the girl who hears “You have a lovely personality” more then I dare to recount. And you know what? They are right. I do have the best personality and will make some guy really happy… just a shame that it doesn’t count for much these days. So if you want a shoulder to cry on take a look around for me. I’ll be in the comfy blue recliner with a box of Kleenex and some Tylenol showing yet another man that I care enough to go through with the pain so that he can feel better.
Now this sounds like a hypocritical statement. Didn't I literally just finish telling you that it is impossible? Well let me break it down for you. Guys and Girls can be friends if one person is always willing to be in pain. And ladies & gents I am a freaking martyr. I have willingly flayed my heart so many times in the name of friendship it’s practically a daily occurrence. To say that it was entirely for friendship is a lie though. Originally it starts out with a guy I’m attracted to. In order to get his attention I swoop in with my charming rhetoric and thought provoking wit and it hooks them, but never in the way I had intended. They find me new and fresh after being emotionally tortured by previous girlfriends. But one small flaw of course… I’m not their physical type. If it’s not my weight it’s my hair, or height, or eye color, or tattoos, or any number of factors. But my personality has made me so unique that they continue to talk to me. This leaves me to wonder every single time if this is the one that is going to be different.
I make men feel comfortable. I’m not intimidating, I can hold a conversational flow without dominating it, and I have a talent for seeing what is really bothering someone. I think this allows guys to relax and confess things they wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with another guy for fear of not looking macho. The side effect of this is that we build deeply personal connections. I provide counseling basically and in return I get graced with the presence of someone I truly enjoy and find appealing. Here is where the beginning of the end comes in to play. These men will eventually bring up ex-girlfriends and ask me for my opinion. As soon as this happens I now realize that this means I am not viewed as a potential mate. I am now, for all intents and purposes, a priest taking confession. I am officially friend zoned.
I am so familiar with this zone now that when I get sent there by a new guy it’s like plunking down into an old lazy boy that has my butt imprint from years of use. Now my pain begins. I get to sit here every day and listen to how much you miss so and so, how you don’t understand what could have happened, and what I think you should do about it. And instead of getting up and walking away I just stay and take it, like individual paper cuts to my psyche. Why? Because I care about them. I genuinely have cared for each and every one of them. Because I had to try… I had to hope that this time was going to be different from all the rest. So while they see me as “the coolest girl I’ve ever met” or “going to make some lucky guy very happy” I am forced to wonder if I’m so great why aren’t they taking me off the market.
I’m the girl who hears “You have a lovely personality” more then I dare to recount. And you know what? They are right. I do have the best personality and will make some guy really happy… just a shame that it doesn’t count for much these days. So if you want a shoulder to cry on take a look around for me. I’ll be in the comfy blue recliner with a box of Kleenex and some Tylenol showing yet another man that I care enough to go through with the pain so that he can feel better.
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