Honestly there are good and bad days. And all of that depends on the people I find myself surrounded by. Your sister and her friends are adorable and don't make me feel too old lol and there is a girl from the Ward that i've gotten pretty close to. Her name is M_____ and she is my age and a teacher and dislikes boys as much as I do lol. Speaking of boys no, I have been on two dates and havent been inclined to share my blessing with either. Both are RM's, one my age and one 21. The one my age isnt temple worthy and isnt working on fixing it (and i dont want a boy that is a project lol) and the other one I had a lovely time with but we just both felt the friend thing. He did laugh with me all night though and I know we will be great friends (and we have to be since he is the chair of the fellowship committee i.e my boss lol) Other then that I don't know I might go on dates if im asked but I don't feel much like dating.... i know i know, the prophet is disappointed in me for that, but i don't know the more i feel like everyone pushes its significance the less I want to. And besides, guys always see me as a friend anyway and thats not all bad. Overall i'm satisfied with my lot in life but it is a little discouraging living in a house with beautiful people and then being in utah where the girls are just stunning even if some of them aren't great people on the inside lol. I'm not always the best about staying positive. The Ward is alright and everyone is nice, i dont know why it bothers me so much. I'm feeling the spirit a ton in sacrement meetings and at the temple but something is just off for me. Maybe its because im so used to our tiny branch and having you guys around. My coworkers are an entirely different story. Honestly, i just feel so bad for them. I know that they are just picking on me because im available. But I can see how people in the church burned them and I refuse to give them any reason to dislike me so at least they will know one latter day saint that isnt a total hypocrite and hasn't hurt them so maybe that will soften their hearts to the gospel. One of my co workers, was lds in his youth since his mother had them convert and he was ok with the church until his mom had an affair with two boys from his young mens class. She went to prison and was excommunicated and that left him in foster homes and when his friends from the ward found out they told him they couldn't and wouldn't be his friend anymore since she was excommunicated. he was bounced around in the foster care system and you can tell how much he harbors hate against his mother for everything he has been through. Then he married a girl with a mormon family and when their son was 17months old he died of respiratory failure (He was the EMT on call) and he couldn't save his son and the families fought over funeral arrangements. His biggest argument is that he has done good in his life and has saved 47 lives as an EMT and how dare anyone tell him that he wont go to the best parts of heaven. He also sees so much hypocrisy here in the church in utah (We watched a woman in garments buy alcohol for example) and just has so much hate in his heart. He lashes out at me about it and i wont fight back which i think frustrates him more. I asked him to stop the other day and he lashed out and made me cry and then i could see how since i wasn't fighting back it was tearing at him to be nicer to me and he eventually apologized. Another man I work with had an abusive father that used the priesthood as justification for his absolute right to abuse his children and step children as he saw fit, mostly sexual abuse. This co worker still maintains his positive outlook on life which is such an amazing inspiration to me and is respectful of me and i think could easily be brought back to the gospel but his hatred of wards runs deep since he is a bigger guy and was made fun of or ignored almost everywhere he went. No one bothered to get to know him since he didn't fit in well socially or esthetically. He stopped dating all together and has retreated into a life of work and video games. he however still maintains his virtuous and temple worthy lifestyle which gives me hope. I could go on and on about more people from work and more stories but I don't want to overkill it. Just that I wish i knew exactly what to say or do to help.
As for my temple visits I'm loving them. The only down side is I wish they had a place for unendowed members to just go and sit and enjoy being in the temple and not be rushed through baptisms. I love the font at draper and the feel of old world charm at Salt Lake. I stumped a temple worker with a question about the oxen and which direction certain tribes faced. When him and 3 other workers had given up trying to come up with an answer it made me think of you and how i should prob stop asking tough questions (lol) I have a new goal, if i get married i'd really like us to take vacations to visit as many temples as possible. I love them. I keep hearing about the majesty that is Lake Powell trips with the D_______. Lol im afraid to go on a family vacation since i don't want to feel like im imposing for one thing, and another it just feels like its something special the family shares. It just feels like im a voyer sometimes looking in on an amazing family through glass. And do not for one second think that is anyones fault since everyone here is super amazingly wonderfully nice to me. (even if i do have to bribe C_____ for a ride home with a corn dog and half a dozen donuts) Im car hunting and should have something in the next month if i keep getting good hours and solid paychecks. Then I can start school in the coming months. P.S i totally almost prophesied the end of dodgeball didn't I! Its eerie how i'm right about everything all the time. lol. I will do my best to have fun for us both. And you work on your end of the deal which is bringing the gospel to people like me who need it. P.P.S - tell me you know about Elder C_____ having SEVEN people scheduled for baptisms. WHAT THE WHAT! that kid is determined to b a rockstar going out with a bang. Im so proud of all of you all the time. P.P.P.S - if one more missionary asks me to introduce them to your sister when they get home from their mission I will vomit.
Lol
Love your face Elder, Keep up the Awesomeness
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